I ask god for forgiveness.

Previous few days have been lifeless,
I was getting up every day to finish the day to sleep on time,
And sleeping each night to get up early to reach office on time.

Life was going nowhere – still it is not on track infact I have started believing that it will never be
When people say “ Manush Janam is a sin “ may be they are right
when ISKON preaches “ To move away from this mortal body and devote yourself to god” may be they also are right ,

I have seen so many contradicting people that by the end it is difficult for me to identify what I belong to.
I love buying stuff – when ISKON preaches that “ MOH tayag do , Icheon pe niyantran( Control your desires)” then this though goes for a toss when I want to buy something I like
My heart - body - mind all shout in union “I want this”

It seems difficult to withdraw myself from this life.
But then at personnel level I have become very - very patient,
I try to analyze before reacting to anything
Listen to people even if I differ and never force anyone into something I feel is right
Do what I can to me best level, least expecting people to contribute there bit
Slowly - Slowly trying to do good to my soul.

It is so much difficult to react to so many things sometimes that I pray to god for forgiveness for being selfish.
I take a deep breath and console myself for the lost tears.
I ask god for forgiveness.

Abstract

We don’t know what it takes to Love or Live

May be we will always live in Darkness and Ignorance
Our lives are divided into slots and
We are living a normal life by shuffling between these slots,
We learn a particular way of living from the people around us and just follow it
We never ask questions as we have no one to answer to then.
And to avoid answering these questions we keep  distracting ourselves

But while shuffling in between these slots we feel an un-fulfilled void , as if we are cheating ourselves or simply escaping

Busyness wont do any good to our soul, but definitely make us feel less useless

Fears, loneliness, desperation starts residing in our hearts and slowly conquer bigger parts of our soul

How much hard we try to hide from others, 
we are always naked in front of our own soul.
And this is the most painful part of life , 
you can escape from world but not from yourself

It may be difficult to detach – but that is the only way to happiness

We all want to do that one thing which gives our soul happiness and our life the perfect meaning
You don’t need to be someone different (eg a movie start or a player) to be happy
But you need to learn to enjoy small things in life

We all need love to grow
It makes us beautiful,
It makes your heart happy
Love means freedom,

But then you also need to learn one basic thing that people, situations and priorities changes,
Everything changes in due course of time
How much you cry, nothing gonna change and you need to understand this

Love, but don’t expect – you will be happy

It may be difficult to detach yourself – but that is the only way to happiness

DEDICATED to my all time favourite writer – Paul Coelho

When I read zahir – I cried loudly .
That was the book which touched my soul
I felt so many incidents and narrations close to my heart,
I feel as if writer knows me
May be he understands me , and I could realte to him in so many ways

Alchamist was OK.
May be I did not understand that book


But

“Veronica decided to die” and “eleven minutes” were magic and masterpieces

Really so many times we feel the way Veronica felt
-- Aimless –
as if we are deprived of love,
as if something is missing in life,
as if we want something but don’t know what

We still crave for something

“That actually made me feel that life is all about dreams – pick one and live for that “
“ You are always alone in the worst phase of life ,you have to fight all battles alone - cribbing and crying wont help , just learn to live with yourself “
“ Zahir – search for your Zahir , he/ she will bring best out of you “
“How so ever difficult it may be – but never let your inner self (the kid) with in you die – trust me we all are beautiful in one way or other “
"Laugh out loud, cry out loud – for whom are you holding back yourself “

“Eleven minutes”

People who have read the book know what the 11 minutes writer is talking about.
Again this book dealt with a very sensitive issue
Not a single sentence was offensive
Maria was a prostitute – and Paul beautifully presented her as a Mother - Sister – Partner -- Friend through her profession
He presented her profession with respect.
Men (Her customer) used to come to her not because she was beautiful , but she could absorb their pain.
She never complained, she accepted them the way they were .
She made them feel good.

I think she really was an angel?
A mother 20 years of age, who could console a 40 years old man

“Then that book was about dreams too, holding back any feeling in a small age – haunted her through out her life “


The other book I liked about the author was “Fifth Mountain “
It talked about rebuild
Rebuild what is destroyed
Every one of us is born with a purpose,
God will definitely bring you close to that.
He will do his bit, rest is left on you.

“Just try to rebuild which has broken “

The latest one which I read was “By the piadra, I sat and cried “

Love is the most beautiful feeling and strength in this world.
Mother can do anything for her baby – and that is the true and purest form of love
If any other relation can just touch that one – believe me you have made something meaningful out of your life.

“Believe your dreams, how stupid they are, they belong to you, follow them chase them “


‘” Maketub “and “like a flowing river “were collection of short stories,
All of them heart touching

I wonder how blessed Paul is
He can touch so many lives
He writing is so powerful
He actually has given meaning to so many lives
When I read him, I feel his thoughts are so simple.
He books actually penetrate your heart and – you are left with a mesmerizing effect

Do you know why we should write?

Do you know why we should write?
In the night before going to sleep,
We generally go through flashback.
I mean so many things run through our mind ….
And the very next day we forget all that.

Writing gives your mind stability,
You tend to give shape to your thoughts and then you relate to so many people like you


Has it ever happened to you that you are traveling (may be in a bus / train)
Watching the trees and people outside,
Looking at the clouds and mountains and watching then receding away when your train speeds up.
At that time your mind is full of thoughts, so many - so many of them - you just keep wondering –
That time your mind is calm and away from your daily stuff so you are free from the rest of the world and you are on your own –

That is the time which is meant for your dreams and your retrospection into your past , and your future –
Try to write down all these feeling if possible

Everything that you feel
Even the stupidest stuff, let people laugh at them
Don’t give a damm

How to Move away from all this

I have been thinking a lot on trivial things
But they bring me closer to god
We run after stupid things
We always tend to bend to make people around us happy
We generally forget to water our own heart

In the end everything is futile
In the end everything turns meaningless
Why run after things which are gonna die anyways

Move away from all this

Sometimes it is very - very difficult to understand all this
I turn so mean and selfish that I just don’t want to think all this
I close my eyes like ostrich and feel that time will pass by

It becomes difficult to detach but I guess that is the only way out

Momentary happiness brings more sadness and vacuum in life

The day I plan to detach my self
Life becomes suddenly easy

The day I plan to be easy going
Life annoys me with stupid conflicts

I feel confused and lifeless

I wonder how to detach myself
Momentary happiness brings more sadness and vacuum in life

I want to achieve complete happiness
I want a life
Less people dependent
Less material dependent
Less need dependent

Books

After a gap of almost one year
Again I started reading in full swing
Sybil, Godfather, by the river piadra I sat and cried and water are done
And the pending list has
Shantaram 40% left (Book Size scares me)
Animal Farm (50% )
1984
Princess
Tusedays With Morrie
World Is Flat
Papilion
A walk to remmember
Brida

Books I want to reread
Zahir
Alchemist
Monk Who Sold his Ferrari

Why and What

Shed the unnecessary was a line which I encountered many times
I read it in “the monk who sold his Ferrari”
Shed the unnecessary
Crawl don’t run
If today you have thought that tomm you will become intelligent then it is sheer foolishness
Life does not take jumps but takes little steps
The first that can be done is as simple as realizing what and why?
What is unnecessary in your life?
And why is it necessary to shed it

Aimless - Aimless

I was wondering on road
Aimless – Aimless
I walked on same road many times
I kept walking to and fro
Round and round
When I got tired – I sat for some time
Then again I got up
Moved in circles
Tooooooooooo froooooooooo
Tooooooooooo froooooooooo
I again got tired and took some rest before I started again

Until I realized I have got a motive
God wants me to keep moving

NameSake

My fav Dialogues from the movie
Ashima - “Probably he was teaching me to live alone “

Ashok – oh ho - no camera, we came this long and forgot camera, now what to do
hmmm – googol do one thing, remember this
Gogol – till when baba
Ashok – till ever beta
Gogol – baba - what do have I to remember
Ashok – remember you and I came to a place
From where we couldn’t go anywhere
Gogol – k baba

Ashima – There was no need to do this
Gogol – But I wanted to do it





I remembered about the day I used to school with my dad
Holding his finger with my small hand

Running to keep pace with him
We can never repay to our parents

“Maybe today you get angry when you see budding M F Hussein’s paintings on the walls of your house
When I leave my fingerprints on the wall
Soon I will grow and you will keep wondering – when the fingerprints won’t match “

That day I won’t be your little kid anymore
That day even I will feel stupid about the pencil sketches on the walls

Ignorance would have been bliss

I have met very less people like me - who know that they are confused
God has brought me closer to Questions but have left me wandering to find answers

God has also made a whole class who are untouched by confusion
They are busy in parting and enjoying and are untouched by so many things
I asked god “why you made me to like this ?”
I would have been happy if I would have been untouched by your feel
I would have been normal like many others – who are bound by limits when they think they are free
I would have felt liberated in a cage – though unknown to the cage around me
Timeless happiness would have been restricted to things I could have been able to buy by money

Ignorance would have been bliss

Now I am a dead man
I belong to No world
I can’t attain happiness in materialistic things
Neither can I be an atheist nor a common man
Will I live in confusion throughout?

Blissful Boredom

Blissful Boredom

These days when I don’t have much work
I keep dedicatedly updating my blog
I love writing
There is some magic attached with words
You feel light after vomiting out on paper
Then they don’t retaliate back
Blame anyone – they won’t contradict
Crib big time – words wont feel drizzy
Share your insane dreams – they won’t laugh at you
Visit them after ages – they won’t complain

They Just Absorb your Boredom

Pursuit of happiness is not invention of happiness but it is discovery of happiness

“When you are unhappy or sad think about the positive things in your life
May be your parents, any good friend, your job, your past achievement
You will feel great to god when you realize that you are blessed with so many beautiful things in life
There are people in life who are not as privileged as you are “

I know it is easy to say than done

But “Pursuit of happiness is not invention of happiness but it is discovery of happiness”
At any moment life won’t be that dark that you won’t find a single reason to smile
Everything is matter of time
Never stop trying but never take failure to heart
People who evolve from failures as winners are the toughest people to deal with
They cherish success and enjoy it the most

Have Fun And God Bless You

happiness belongs to you

Off late I have become more patient somehow
Don’t know why but I have realized that allowing people and conditions to handle your mood is not wise
Mind and heart are full of conflicts
Contradicting thoughts
Conflicting situations
At any moment you have multiple choices which make your life more demanding
The decision that brings you closer to humanity is always the best decision
The decision which leaves you with no heavy heart is the best decision
The decision that helps you to move away from anger and selfishness is the best decision
The decision that makes you humble is the best decision

You always have choices to react – but the reaction leaves you with no guilt is the best choice
The reaction which makes your heart proud of you is the best decision

black friday

I saw Black Friday Some 2 months back
I don’t know what made me write a post on that today

May be I saw Pawan Malhotras (Tiger Menon) picture in yesterdays newspaper

Black Friday was promoted as a movie on Mumbai bomb blasts
It was promoted as a KK movie
It was promoted as Pawan Malhotra movie
“ Akkha Mumbai ko Angar bana deega “
Shit he was mind-blowing in that scene

But But But
The Hero Of the movie was “badshah Khan” ( Aditya Srhivastav )
People who have seen the movie can never deny the fact that he rocked in each and every scene in the movie
If was not a movie entirely about hindu muslim roits
But that concept was simply backdrop of the movie

Story was about self evolvement
Or simply mind change of a person
It was about transformation of
Badshah Khan THE criminal to a police witness.

“bharam bhaap ke - sharam dhaanp ke - karam naap ke -bhaaga re”
this song is the most haunted song I have heard in recent times

Kks statement “ Is bar Khudha hamare saath hai – tumhare saath nahi “
Made him realises that there is no justification to his acts

"raat hindole pe baitha ek

banda rota jhul gaya

padhli aaj kuraan magar main

aayaton ko bhul gaya

kaahe re kohla ko dhunde hain

iss makadi ki jaalein mein

wo bhi baat madina mein hain

jo hai baat shivaalay mein "

No crime can be justified in front of any god
It is a mind blowing movie

why not to write a book

“This is with reference to a friends mail - who said he will publish my book if I am willing to write it
That made me think about it seriously until I reached to this decision”

If I was asked to write a book
I wonder what should I write about
I don’t have any funny stories to tell
Never have I gone through any major controversy or tragedy that people should know about
Nor even have I any exceptionally experience to mention about

I am a normal human being like you all
Who lives a normal life
Enjoys what he/she loves and
Cribs about what she/he hates
I feel jealous when people around me enjoy when I am sad
AND
I wonder why people are so cribbing and un socializing types when I am on a high
Isn’t it weird ?????


But Yaaa
I love blogging
The blog gives me a vent
I can reach out to people who are actually interested in reading my nonsense stuff
You meet people who somehow can relate to your perception of life
Best part of the blog is that you don’t force people to read your crap
They have choice
If they like they will continue reading it
Else they will retire midway

Some people criticize you - some admire you
Life is not bound by rules
Everyone has a different story to tell
Live the way which suits you


But when I write I just don’t care about anything
I mean I write freely
I write to put my thoughts on paper
I never bother about the writing skills or the spellings
In fact I hardly ever edit my post
If I edit any line I feel I have killed a though to make the post look beautiful

Secondly I write honestly
I don’t hold back anything when I write
Who you are afraid to
People who know you will know you anyways
People who don’t know you will get to know you like this

My posts are honest exhibition of my thoughts

Coming back to writing a book
I am sorry yarr I can never do it
But it felt great to read such a response from you

My thoughts are in small fragments
They are not continuous
Most of the time I keep contradicting myself
Who will read something written by such a person who himself is confused

People want to read answers to questions – they don’t want more questions

A point call VACCUMM

I don’t know how to think positive
I don’t know how to take initiative
I don’t know what being optimistic means
Why do we always have to start from scratch?
There is no stability
You fight for a cause till that cause sheds its importance
Then you pick up new one
Then again u start from scratch
Till you again reach to a point call VACCUMM
where there is no life
nothing absolutely nothing
It is a vicious circle
You will never reach destination
You will always keep looping

Balanced Life

I don’t want to live the life of a monk
I don’t want to live detached from the worldly pleasures
I don’t want to live detached from feelings like happiness and sadness
I don’t want to reach to the level where I have no desires

But then

I don’t want to be part of a world where everything is materialistic
I don’t want to be part of a world where people exchange hatred
I don’t want to be part of the world where what matters is money
I don’t want to be part of world where human emotions mean nothing
I don’t want to a level where I grow economically and deteriorate personally

Easy is to detach
Difficult is to fight back
Easy is to escape
Difficult is to stay back

touch and leave them

After looking at that face
I simply didn’t dare to probe further
I left the though of next question

I felt pity on the fragile figure
I prayed to god for her good luck
And left her for ever

She remained in my mind
Till I reached home
Then slowly I got engrossed in my life
And forgot her forever.

This is the way we deal with
Commitments, promises and dreams made to ourselves
Touch and leave

It is not that we ignore or forget the dreams in our life
BUT
We simply don’t live with them
We touch and leave them

confused

i have been thinking about all this,
i mean the way of coming out of all mess
i tried watching movies,till i was done with most of them
then i read books

but i have started feeling that i am simply escaping from everything
i am highly confused

for ppl around , u may seem happy as logically u dont have anything to worry about ,
but deep inside - ur heart only knows what u are dealing with.

may be time will change ,
may be my perception will also change - but feeling dejected with life at this early stage is SAD

forgiveness

People say if you feel life is hollow then move to spirituality
It simply balances life
I don’t know how that move will be
But I feel close to god
I don’t worship daily
Ignore promises made to god very easily
Feel too lazy to visit him
Make plan to visit picture halls near the lord’s house but forget to take his darshan

I curse him for so many things
I want him to forgive me easily
I want him to listen to me

3-4 years back, I was planning to join ISKON
That was a period I felt close to him
Nothing more mattered to me

But that thought came and went with in a week
I don’t know how to ask for forgiveness
Is there any easy way to connect to him?

How so ever hard I try
It is impossible to detach my self from luxuries

May be he keeps some ppl in pain because he loves them more

I don’t know weather lord was part of all this
But detachment and feeling for “ leaving everything to god “ was surely the purpose
We sometimes walk with so much of burden with us that the speed slows down
We keep attched to ppl and things
We feel “ why this to me”
Most of the time we make our own life painful
I feel we only need to take initiative
Close ur eyes for some time
Ask god for forgiveness and peace
Ask him to guide you

He listens to all of us
May be he keeps some ppl in pain because he loves them more
This way he interacts with them more

Hibernation

I have been contemplating on so many things in this span of time that I desperately felt need of sitting down and revisiting my life .
I feel there is seriously urgent need of rethinking and reassessing many factors .
Is sounds weird but I guess we all should at regular intervals of time indulge in such activity,
They simply help you to access yourself – personally as well as professionally.
Simply go to hibernation
It helps you to eat away the negativity within you till you become fit again to fight back
In this way I feel hibernation is bliss.
Be on receiving end for some time
Sit down and just shut down

Closed her eyes and forced herself to sleep.

Lila was sitting alone near the window.
Looking out at people moving on the road
She was feeling lonely
She was trying to think of ways that would keep her busy.
She was engrossed in thoughts and that made her sadder.
She couldn’t think of a single cause to live.
She felt that all the people on road have some destination
This thought brought her closer to the previous thought
Thought of being meaningless, aimless directionless and hopeless in life
She felt her non existence will hardly make any difference to anyone.
She turned on music to overcome this feeling.
Still she could not recover
She called up as many people she could from her phone
Replayed music
Redid cleaning
Redialed the numbers
Reread newspapers
Now when there was nothing much to do
She retired back to window.
Same scene, same feeling, same holding back the thought.She jumped on to bed
Closed her eyes and forced herself to sleep.

Confused and Guilty

It was not a fight with others
It was fight within
I was fighting - multiple conflicting thoughts
I dint know which self of mine will survive or win
Fight kept on going
I could not decide upon anything

I took deep breath
Curbed and cursed a part within me
One part of me simply died

HAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No more was I confused
Now I could make a sound decision

But now I felt guilty of murdering something
Oh god
Why is life like this?
Why there is no straight path
Why here are so many conflicting roads

I don’t know where they lead to
I can’t explore everything

Sybil Peggy Vicky Maria

I just finished Sybil -----
The book has many aspects attached to it .
Some – to which you can relate .
And rest are about unknown, horrible, scary, depressing world where we live in, and are still are not related to .
We are lucky to be born in families where we are loved, pampered
Some simply are born to agony to live in agony.
Story is about a girl, abused by her own mother which leads her to develop into 16 different personalities,
All these personalities simply represent emotions of Sybil, who herself can’t cry, shout or simply be happy.
Story is about strong determination of woman errrr women to fight the conflicts with in and to overcome them .
Story is about a women who has courage to bring back the shattered pieces of her life into one complete entity .
Story is about a small girl who was deprived of the right to live life .
Story is about a girl, who values even very small happiness in life .

I was mesmerized by the true story .
I dreamt about Sybil .

No more I hated the destiny of that rain drop.

First rain of the season – eagerly we all have been waiting for this.
And when it started drizzling, tiny raindrops were soothing me.

but the ground was still dry –

I saw some raindrops touching my hand and some drops falling directly on the ground

And I traced one drop – but it got lost

Least bothered I continued playing with the drops on my hand
Giving it all possible shapes.

I got drenched till core
Later that day, when I was in my room –
Suddenly the idea of that lost raindrop hit me
I couldn’t digest the devil ground just gulping so many drops.
We are also like rain, some of us fall of flowers where they look beautiful
Some on dry sand – where they are born to quench the thirst of desert.
Some get lost in the endless ocean 

It definitely won’t mind being fallen in the desert.
May be many more like that drop can make desert and people around happy.
No more I hated the destiny of that raindrop.
No more was it a destitute.
It was born to die like others,
But it was born with a purpose.

Post is for a person with whom I have spent just a little but quality amount of time

This Post is for a person with whom I have spent just a little but quality amount of time.
This Post is for a person who does not reply my SMSs and Scraps.
This Post is for a person who survives on Papaya and long walks.
This Post is for a person who is the most Bold and influential person I have seen in my life.
This Post is for sexy, lovable, arrogant girl whom I miss beyond words.
This Post is for a person for a person who some how resembles my perception of life.
This Post is for a person who has understood me without uttering a word.
This Post is for a person who never consoled when she saw me crying ,but accepted me as I am.
This Post is for a person whom I miss a lot when I am alone
This Post is for a person whom I have to return a book named ' Broken Wings'
This Post is for a person who is sweetheart and a darling for me
Donno when and how but Sakina I want for meet you yar,
I luv u babes
be the way you are
I simply adore admire and love you
And ya if you visit this blog do call me or at least post your comment

Nothing lasts forever

I don’t know where life is leading to
I just want a cause to live
I just want a reason to live
I have somehow lost interest in everything
Nothing keeps me busy
Infact I don’t have anything to be busy
Is sounds very cribbing but life seriously looks dull and boring
No excitement
No fun
No work
I don’t know where it is heading too
But I am simply not feeling happy
May be this is another hibernation period
Where u simply end up being on receiving end
Nothing lasts forever

I am simply living in exile

My soul was crying
I knew nothing will change
Damage and loss has been done for a life time
My heart broke
No peace left
No dreams left
No desires left
No aims
No faith
No Ups
No downs

I am simply living in exile
Far away from the world of mine

If I doubt my dreams - I doubt my faith in god

9th Jan 2007

Yesterday I was reading “The monk who sold his Ferrari” for the 2nd time.
I remember last time when I read it .I read it as a story book
This time I am trying to read it the way writer has written it.
I mean the way writer wanted it to be read by us.

Sometimes I fear
I fear of many things
I fear of some commitments
I fear of some pressures
I fear of some expectation
I fear of my own soul

While going through the book
I realized god wants us to dream
He also helps us to follow them
We just need to listen to our inner consciousness
We just need to listen to our heart
If you think you are escaping
You are escaping from whom?
Your inner conciseness will always know it.
Right

Gita says” karam kar fal ke chinta mat kar”.
(Put yourself completely into work and never bother about the results (the fruits) of your actions)
Don’t you feel, all our chintas (fears - frustrations - expectations) start here from the expectations
Infact all our sorrows start here

It will be easy to say “deprive urself from the fruit”
But difficult to implement
Can’t we atleast try to achieve so?

Live with satisfaction and not in chaos.

I seriously felt good after reading the book
I feel God has already made plans for me
If he has already helped me to make decisions then I simply need to follow him

If I doubt my dreams
I doubt my faith in god


“The universe always helps us fight our dreams .N o matter how foolish they are “
…. By the river piadra I sat and cried
“When you really want something to happen, the whole universe conspires so that your wish comes true".
….. Alchemist

7th Feb 12.50

7th Feb 12.50

I reached office at 918 errrrrrrrr 915(manipulation)
Since then the only thing which I am doing dedicatedly is time pass
I read some blogs and posted some posts in my blog

I am waiting for my project partner
He seems LITTLE late today
I am supposed to design a document today
I had forgotten it, but just now my PL reminded me

I am simply waiting for the day to end as I want to go home and sleep so that I can get up early tomorrow to reach office on time

In my heart I simply thank that book seller for suggesting me alchemist

I started reading long time ago
Mostly in 6th std
The first book I read wad “Heddy”
The second book I read was “Alice in wonderland”
The 3rd book I read was “A train to Pakistan” in 7th std
I didn’t understand any thing in the book even after trying hard with dictionary

I left the book in-between as I was punished for issuing such a book from library

My librarian gave me a big lecture and good beating when he came to know that I was reading that book

I gave up reading for some time – not because of beating but something else excited me
Hmmmmm Writing
I started writing by a small and funny Hindi poem
I have misplaced all my old poems and really feel bad for that

I started with diaries
Write and tear up


In between I read something easy going
“Tale of two cities”
“David Copperfield”
“Oliver twist”
“Charismas carol”

I found all of them Kiddi books – I mean story books

I again picked up reading something interesting in 9/10th std
This time I started with
“Range of angles”
Then “the man who divided Indian”

From 9th to 2nd year of engg
I gulped down every book which I came across
I read whole “Sidney Sheldon “collection

Name it and I have read it

I adored some of his books but some where nothing more than shit
Still in all his books
The life of lonely women was always presented beautifully
“If tomorrow comes”
“Wind mills of god”
“Sand of time”
“Range of angles “
“Tell me ur dreams”
“Love story”
“Painted house “


I loved all of them
I remember 1 quote from his book where the character says” I know he exploits me – but pain staying with him is less than pain of staying alone”

Then one day the bookseller from where I used to buy books said
Madam aaj kal sabh yahi padte hai
And forced me to buy Alchemist

“I started with alchemist followed by
Veronica decided to die
Memoirs of geisha
11 minutes
Zahir
5th mountain
Kite runner
Monk who sold his Ferrari
Broken wings
Lajja
Who will cry when u die
City of joy
Who will cry when u die
By the river piadra, I sat and cried
“

In my heart I simply thank that book seller for suggesting me alchemist (which I not liked much) but that book forced me to explore world of good books

Samara Revisited

Samara Revisited

Long long time ago
Not that long though

I was adamant on something
Hmm it was a movie

I revisited that movie
Again and again in my mind
Both – before and after release.

I felt a LIFE and a TRUTH in the movie
Life – about a common man
Truth – about the god, faith

We visit temples
But we never visit hearts
Hearts – of people around you

We ask for blessings
We never ask for forgiveness

We love people
But we never love ourselves

We run miles
But we never stop to admire the beauty

We involve people in our lives
But we never learn to live without them

We commit mistakes
But we never dare to admit them

We worship god
But we never devote ourselves to him

maktub

Long before I was born
It was written that I will be born as girl – maktub

Long before I was born
It was written that I will be born with lots of dreams – maktub

Long before I was born
It was written that I will make some dreams come true – maktub

Long before I was born
It was written that some of my dreams will be unfulfilled – maktub

Long before I was born
It was written that I will die a death which I don’t know – maktub

Is there anything like destiny or everything is maktub

U too need a heart to understand

I may look thoughtful, But I am not
I am simply gazing

I may look confident
But I am all in fears

I may seem calm and composed
But I am in complete chaos.

People say Ur eyes say it all
But u too need a heart to understand.

Cry Out Louder Like a Kid

Gradually I feel I have developed the feeling of letting things go, bad experiences, criticism, selfishness - all of them.
As a kid I remember crying endlessly because of the anger with in me against any damm thing.
Neither will I reason that out, nor will I stop crying.

My mom used to ask me
“What happened ? Are u mad?”
“Hmmmmm Nothing”
Crying endlessly without any meaningful reason would make me feel normal.
I simply assumed if I am crying “people should understand the reason themself”

I was a big fool
Still I am same
What has changed is that I have started feeling less bad; I just try to reason out thing if a person has behaved in a particular manner
I feel great when people are nice
asI always expect them NOT to be nice

But I still cry unreasonable
I don’t know but it does wonders to me
I feel great after that

People say a healthy laugh does wonders
Trust me so does a healthy cry

LIFE OF AN EMPLOYED/UNEMPLOYED SOFTWARE ENGG

LIFE OF AN EMPLOYED/UNEMPLOYED SOFTWARE ENGG
Oh Gooooooooooooood New day started

Neither was the weekend exciting nor the feeling of returning to office on Monday,
It all seemed routine. Work and holiday but look same.
Equally disgusting.

Came early, as per the company rules you are supposed to reach early. Else it is going to have impact on your bloody appraisal.

I left my home at 8.51. Realized that it is gonna be late I took a rickshaw, he was I guess unfamiliar to this area, so my drill started from he morning.

I reached office in 10 min.
Signed the so called attendance register – Today I felt like a school kid running to the classroom before his class teacher marks her absent.

Cool I have won, I reached on time
Dammmmmmmmmmmm I have won but what

Now have logged in to my machine
Checked all my office mails --- hmm nothing imp though
Checked gmail ---- seems I have many orkut scraps
Logged on to orkut --- read some scraps.
Logged out form gmail and orkut

It is just 915.

Hmmm now what should I do?
Checked my airtel bill.
Check some news stuff on rediff.

It is just 930
Now what to do till 630.

Oh Godddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd


Let me go for a Tea\Coffee

Flow like a river

It is hard to make resolutions, and almost impossible to stick to them
Some part of our life - we waste in making resolutions.
Some in trying to implement them and the rest in cribbing about not following them.

Flow like a river
Let there be a day when u stop planning and enjoy the uncertainty in life.

Let there be a destination but not a fixed path.
Enjoy the journey through the path, Destination is a single moment
path is collection of moments

Uncertainty is beauty of life

Uncertainty is beauty

Life is full of surprises and somehow these surprises are the beauty of life

“I kept wondering what life is “
“I kept asking what love is “
“I kept asking who god is”
“I kept pondering what future is “

These questions keep us hopeful, inquisitive and interested in the surprise package of life.
Many times I keep cribbing “future is unseen, life is unpredictable --- how boring life is …”

Would it have been different if I know what will happen tomorrow, next week, next Year?

Uncertainty, unfulfilled dreams are the driving factors. Just imagine a day when you get up knowing what whole life has for you. You can clearly see all the future achievements and failures. Neither will you be able to celebrate nor have morons.

That day will be saddest day of your life

Trust me YOU are worth it.

Failure and struggle fortunately or unfortunately have taught me one great thing

“TO LAUGH AT SMALL THING, TO BE HAPPY FOR TRIVIAL THING WHICH OTHERS CONSIDER JUST NORMAL”

Beauty and importance of a healthy life can be best explained by a person who has just recovered from some dreadful disease.

In this fast life we have somehow forgotten to be grateful for small things and take everything for grated.

Happiness and Sadness – both know the address of your house.
Both knock at your door, but you love to treat Sadness with great pleasure, you sit and chat with it, cook varieties for it. Compel it to stay longer.

HAPPINESS feels dejected and leaves humiliated,

Do we ever sit, chat and enjoy with happiness. We take life for granted

Sadness engulfs us – I mean we allow it to do so.

We love to live with sadness

I mean
Don’t stop yourself from crying on trivial things

But always have loud laugh on small thing too.

Trust me YOU are worth it.

Is Life just about making decisions and simply sticking to them???

Is Life just about making decisions and simply sticking to them???

I can’t have whole world to me, but I definitely deserve a little part too.

Either live in confusion and conflict, else live with criticism

Today when I don’t have anything to do, I made some plans

Isn’t the requirement generated of sheer boredom and not of personnel choice?

Isn’t it being like a river that just looks for a way out?

When I close my eyes I don’t see a single destination, I see multiple roads and me at center

Nothing can be judged right or wrong

Dreams fulfilled make us hero and the rest simply go by L

I don’t have any aim; I randomly want to enjoy the journey and stopovers.

Life’s beauty is in its unpredictability and curiosity

I can’t plan --Neither can I stick to resolutions nor can I follow rules

I don’t know who is strong mined
A person who plans and BRAVELY sticks to it
Or
A person who BRAVELY faces whatever comes to him with out any planning

Short term goals

Common I am not going to give you a lecture on short term goals,
But slowly I have started understanding its meaning.
In simple sense I feel short term goals are "what keep us going”.

Unfulfilled dream is always beautiful remarkable and close than a fulfilled one

Out of sheer boredom and lack of quality work, I have decided to dedicate my time to my favorite hobby.
Writing
I just love it ----
I have several times read and realized that every one of us is wholly and solely made for one dedicated activity,
For some it may be their hobby, for some it is their profession, for some there passion, for some dream, for some unexplored activity and for rest negligence.
Life is meant to live
Live it the way you want.Some people say dreams mean a lot
Others write about people who have always chased dreams , won them and then set some more until one day they realize that their life is not moving any where ,
I have read some where “Life is a journey"
Slowly and clearly I have started realizing the true meaning of this statement.
Yes life is a journey.
Birth, teenage, job, marriage, kids, old age
All of them are small stop overs,
At none of these stages we settle down, we are made to crawl, walk or run. But we are not meant to be stable - stagnant or dormant.

What if a person achieves everything he has dreamt of?
Every dam thing.
Happiness and satisfaction just fade away,
They are momentary.
Remember “success is counted sweetest for those who never succeed”, " to comprehend a nectar requires sourest need"

Never stop dreaming, but an unfulfilled dream is always beautiful remarkable and close than a fulfilled one

do u know how to interpret dreams ???

We all have dreams ,
Some follow them and some simply love to cherish them.
I sometimes feel , dreams are wishes .
Dreams are indications, dreams mean a lot, dreams come with messages
directly from god-
When ever god creates us ,I feel he always has some expectations from us,
Deep inside his heart he knows that he has created something beautiful.
He knows his creation is a master piece.
God makes human being for a purpose..
Dreams are simply messages from The Creator to the creation .
Dreams are beautiful , they are just to be interpreted well.
There will be things which you are amazing at,
There definitely is unexploited potential within u,
There is definitely a thing which makes you happy.
You are born to experiment and learn from them. so don't give up
trust me LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL