black friday

I saw Black Friday Some 2 months back
I don’t know what made me write a post on that today

May be I saw Pawan Malhotras (Tiger Menon) picture in yesterdays newspaper

Black Friday was promoted as a movie on Mumbai bomb blasts
It was promoted as a KK movie
It was promoted as Pawan Malhotra movie
“ Akkha Mumbai ko Angar bana deega “
Shit he was mind-blowing in that scene

But But But
The Hero Of the movie was “badshah Khan” ( Aditya Srhivastav )
People who have seen the movie can never deny the fact that he rocked in each and every scene in the movie
If was not a movie entirely about hindu muslim roits
But that concept was simply backdrop of the movie

Story was about self evolvement
Or simply mind change of a person
It was about transformation of
Badshah Khan THE criminal to a police witness.

“bharam bhaap ke - sharam dhaanp ke - karam naap ke -bhaaga re”
this song is the most haunted song I have heard in recent times

Kks statement “ Is bar Khudha hamare saath hai – tumhare saath nahi “
Made him realises that there is no justification to his acts

"raat hindole pe baitha ek

banda rota jhul gaya

padhli aaj kuraan magar main

aayaton ko bhul gaya

kaahe re kohla ko dhunde hain

iss makadi ki jaalein mein

wo bhi baat madina mein hain

jo hai baat shivaalay mein "

No crime can be justified in front of any god
It is a mind blowing movie

why not to write a book

“This is with reference to a friends mail - who said he will publish my book if I am willing to write it
That made me think about it seriously until I reached to this decision”

If I was asked to write a book
I wonder what should I write about
I don’t have any funny stories to tell
Never have I gone through any major controversy or tragedy that people should know about
Nor even have I any exceptionally experience to mention about

I am a normal human being like you all
Who lives a normal life
Enjoys what he/she loves and
Cribs about what she/he hates
I feel jealous when people around me enjoy when I am sad
AND
I wonder why people are so cribbing and un socializing types when I am on a high
Isn’t it weird ?????


But Yaaa
I love blogging
The blog gives me a vent
I can reach out to people who are actually interested in reading my nonsense stuff
You meet people who somehow can relate to your perception of life
Best part of the blog is that you don’t force people to read your crap
They have choice
If they like they will continue reading it
Else they will retire midway

Some people criticize you - some admire you
Life is not bound by rules
Everyone has a different story to tell
Live the way which suits you


But when I write I just don’t care about anything
I mean I write freely
I write to put my thoughts on paper
I never bother about the writing skills or the spellings
In fact I hardly ever edit my post
If I edit any line I feel I have killed a though to make the post look beautiful

Secondly I write honestly
I don’t hold back anything when I write
Who you are afraid to
People who know you will know you anyways
People who don’t know you will get to know you like this

My posts are honest exhibition of my thoughts

Coming back to writing a book
I am sorry yarr I can never do it
But it felt great to read such a response from you

My thoughts are in small fragments
They are not continuous
Most of the time I keep contradicting myself
Who will read something written by such a person who himself is confused

People want to read answers to questions – they don’t want more questions

A point call VACCUMM

I don’t know how to think positive
I don’t know how to take initiative
I don’t know what being optimistic means
Why do we always have to start from scratch?
There is no stability
You fight for a cause till that cause sheds its importance
Then you pick up new one
Then again u start from scratch
Till you again reach to a point call VACCUMM
where there is no life
nothing absolutely nothing
It is a vicious circle
You will never reach destination
You will always keep looping

Balanced Life

I don’t want to live the life of a monk
I don’t want to live detached from the worldly pleasures
I don’t want to live detached from feelings like happiness and sadness
I don’t want to reach to the level where I have no desires

But then

I don’t want to be part of a world where everything is materialistic
I don’t want to be part of a world where people exchange hatred
I don’t want to be part of the world where what matters is money
I don’t want to be part of world where human emotions mean nothing
I don’t want to a level where I grow economically and deteriorate personally

Easy is to detach
Difficult is to fight back
Easy is to escape
Difficult is to stay back

touch and leave them

After looking at that face
I simply didn’t dare to probe further
I left the though of next question

I felt pity on the fragile figure
I prayed to god for her good luck
And left her for ever

She remained in my mind
Till I reached home
Then slowly I got engrossed in my life
And forgot her forever.

This is the way we deal with
Commitments, promises and dreams made to ourselves
Touch and leave

It is not that we ignore or forget the dreams in our life
BUT
We simply don’t live with them
We touch and leave them

confused

i have been thinking about all this,
i mean the way of coming out of all mess
i tried watching movies,till i was done with most of them
then i read books

but i have started feeling that i am simply escaping from everything
i am highly confused

for ppl around , u may seem happy as logically u dont have anything to worry about ,
but deep inside - ur heart only knows what u are dealing with.

may be time will change ,
may be my perception will also change - but feeling dejected with life at this early stage is SAD

forgiveness

People say if you feel life is hollow then move to spirituality
It simply balances life
I don’t know how that move will be
But I feel close to god
I don’t worship daily
Ignore promises made to god very easily
Feel too lazy to visit him
Make plan to visit picture halls near the lord’s house but forget to take his darshan

I curse him for so many things
I want him to forgive me easily
I want him to listen to me

3-4 years back, I was planning to join ISKON
That was a period I felt close to him
Nothing more mattered to me

But that thought came and went with in a week
I don’t know how to ask for forgiveness
Is there any easy way to connect to him?

How so ever hard I try
It is impossible to detach my self from luxuries

May be he keeps some ppl in pain because he loves them more

I don’t know weather lord was part of all this
But detachment and feeling for “ leaving everything to god “ was surely the purpose
We sometimes walk with so much of burden with us that the speed slows down
We keep attched to ppl and things
We feel “ why this to me”
Most of the time we make our own life painful
I feel we only need to take initiative
Close ur eyes for some time
Ask god for forgiveness and peace
Ask him to guide you

He listens to all of us
May be he keeps some ppl in pain because he loves them more
This way he interacts with them more

Hibernation

I have been contemplating on so many things in this span of time that I desperately felt need of sitting down and revisiting my life .
I feel there is seriously urgent need of rethinking and reassessing many factors .
Is sounds weird but I guess we all should at regular intervals of time indulge in such activity,
They simply help you to access yourself – personally as well as professionally.
Simply go to hibernation
It helps you to eat away the negativity within you till you become fit again to fight back
In this way I feel hibernation is bliss.
Be on receiving end for some time
Sit down and just shut down

Closed her eyes and forced herself to sleep.

Lila was sitting alone near the window.
Looking out at people moving on the road
She was feeling lonely
She was trying to think of ways that would keep her busy.
She was engrossed in thoughts and that made her sadder.
She couldn’t think of a single cause to live.
She felt that all the people on road have some destination
This thought brought her closer to the previous thought
Thought of being meaningless, aimless directionless and hopeless in life
She felt her non existence will hardly make any difference to anyone.
She turned on music to overcome this feeling.
Still she could not recover
She called up as many people she could from her phone
Replayed music
Redid cleaning
Redialed the numbers
Reread newspapers
Now when there was nothing much to do
She retired back to window.
Same scene, same feeling, same holding back the thought.She jumped on to bed
Closed her eyes and forced herself to sleep.

Confused and Guilty

It was not a fight with others
It was fight within
I was fighting - multiple conflicting thoughts
I dint know which self of mine will survive or win
Fight kept on going
I could not decide upon anything

I took deep breath
Curbed and cursed a part within me
One part of me simply died

HAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No more was I confused
Now I could make a sound decision

But now I felt guilty of murdering something
Oh god
Why is life like this?
Why there is no straight path
Why here are so many conflicting roads

I don’t know where they lead to
I can’t explore everything

Sybil Peggy Vicky Maria

I just finished Sybil -----
The book has many aspects attached to it .
Some – to which you can relate .
And rest are about unknown, horrible, scary, depressing world where we live in, and are still are not related to .
We are lucky to be born in families where we are loved, pampered
Some simply are born to agony to live in agony.
Story is about a girl, abused by her own mother which leads her to develop into 16 different personalities,
All these personalities simply represent emotions of Sybil, who herself can’t cry, shout or simply be happy.
Story is about strong determination of woman errrr women to fight the conflicts with in and to overcome them .
Story is about a women who has courage to bring back the shattered pieces of her life into one complete entity .
Story is about a small girl who was deprived of the right to live life .
Story is about a girl, who values even very small happiness in life .

I was mesmerized by the true story .
I dreamt about Sybil .

No more I hated the destiny of that rain drop.

First rain of the season – eagerly we all have been waiting for this.
And when it started drizzling, tiny raindrops were soothing me.

but the ground was still dry –

I saw some raindrops touching my hand and some drops falling directly on the ground

And I traced one drop – but it got lost

Least bothered I continued playing with the drops on my hand
Giving it all possible shapes.

I got drenched till core
Later that day, when I was in my room –
Suddenly the idea of that lost raindrop hit me
I couldn’t digest the devil ground just gulping so many drops.
We are also like rain, some of us fall of flowers where they look beautiful
Some on dry sand – where they are born to quench the thirst of desert.
Some get lost in the endless ocean 

It definitely won’t mind being fallen in the desert.
May be many more like that drop can make desert and people around happy.
No more I hated the destiny of that raindrop.
No more was it a destitute.
It was born to die like others,
But it was born with a purpose.

Post is for a person with whom I have spent just a little but quality amount of time

This Post is for a person with whom I have spent just a little but quality amount of time.
This Post is for a person who does not reply my SMSs and Scraps.
This Post is for a person who survives on Papaya and long walks.
This Post is for a person who is the most Bold and influential person I have seen in my life.
This Post is for sexy, lovable, arrogant girl whom I miss beyond words.
This Post is for a person for a person who some how resembles my perception of life.
This Post is for a person who has understood me without uttering a word.
This Post is for a person who never consoled when she saw me crying ,but accepted me as I am.
This Post is for a person whom I miss a lot when I am alone
This Post is for a person whom I have to return a book named ' Broken Wings'
This Post is for a person who is sweetheart and a darling for me
Donno when and how but Sakina I want for meet you yar,
I luv u babes
be the way you are
I simply adore admire and love you
And ya if you visit this blog do call me or at least post your comment

Nothing lasts forever

I don’t know where life is leading to
I just want a cause to live
I just want a reason to live
I have somehow lost interest in everything
Nothing keeps me busy
Infact I don’t have anything to be busy
Is sounds very cribbing but life seriously looks dull and boring
No excitement
No fun
No work
I don’t know where it is heading too
But I am simply not feeling happy
May be this is another hibernation period
Where u simply end up being on receiving end
Nothing lasts forever

I am simply living in exile

My soul was crying
I knew nothing will change
Damage and loss has been done for a life time
My heart broke
No peace left
No dreams left
No desires left
No aims
No faith
No Ups
No downs

I am simply living in exile
Far away from the world of mine

If I doubt my dreams - I doubt my faith in god

9th Jan 2007

Yesterday I was reading “The monk who sold his Ferrari” for the 2nd time.
I remember last time when I read it .I read it as a story book
This time I am trying to read it the way writer has written it.
I mean the way writer wanted it to be read by us.

Sometimes I fear
I fear of many things
I fear of some commitments
I fear of some pressures
I fear of some expectation
I fear of my own soul

While going through the book
I realized god wants us to dream
He also helps us to follow them
We just need to listen to our inner consciousness
We just need to listen to our heart
If you think you are escaping
You are escaping from whom?
Your inner conciseness will always know it.
Right

Gita says” karam kar fal ke chinta mat kar”.
(Put yourself completely into work and never bother about the results (the fruits) of your actions)
Don’t you feel, all our chintas (fears - frustrations - expectations) start here from the expectations
Infact all our sorrows start here

It will be easy to say “deprive urself from the fruit”
But difficult to implement
Can’t we atleast try to achieve so?

Live with satisfaction and not in chaos.

I seriously felt good after reading the book
I feel God has already made plans for me
If he has already helped me to make decisions then I simply need to follow him

If I doubt my dreams
I doubt my faith in god


“The universe always helps us fight our dreams .N o matter how foolish they are “
…. By the river piadra I sat and cried
“When you really want something to happen, the whole universe conspires so that your wish comes true".
….. Alchemist

7th Feb 12.50

7th Feb 12.50

I reached office at 918 errrrrrrrr 915(manipulation)
Since then the only thing which I am doing dedicatedly is time pass
I read some blogs and posted some posts in my blog

I am waiting for my project partner
He seems LITTLE late today
I am supposed to design a document today
I had forgotten it, but just now my PL reminded me

I am simply waiting for the day to end as I want to go home and sleep so that I can get up early tomorrow to reach office on time

In my heart I simply thank that book seller for suggesting me alchemist

I started reading long time ago
Mostly in 6th std
The first book I read wad “Heddy”
The second book I read was “Alice in wonderland”
The 3rd book I read was “A train to Pakistan” in 7th std
I didn’t understand any thing in the book even after trying hard with dictionary

I left the book in-between as I was punished for issuing such a book from library

My librarian gave me a big lecture and good beating when he came to know that I was reading that book

I gave up reading for some time – not because of beating but something else excited me
Hmmmmm Writing
I started writing by a small and funny Hindi poem
I have misplaced all my old poems and really feel bad for that

I started with diaries
Write and tear up


In between I read something easy going
“Tale of two cities”
“David Copperfield”
“Oliver twist”
“Charismas carol”

I found all of them Kiddi books – I mean story books

I again picked up reading something interesting in 9/10th std
This time I started with
“Range of angles”
Then “the man who divided Indian”

From 9th to 2nd year of engg
I gulped down every book which I came across
I read whole “Sidney Sheldon “collection

Name it and I have read it

I adored some of his books but some where nothing more than shit
Still in all his books
The life of lonely women was always presented beautifully
“If tomorrow comes”
“Wind mills of god”
“Sand of time”
“Range of angles “
“Tell me ur dreams”
“Love story”
“Painted house “


I loved all of them
I remember 1 quote from his book where the character says” I know he exploits me – but pain staying with him is less than pain of staying alone”

Then one day the bookseller from where I used to buy books said
Madam aaj kal sabh yahi padte hai
And forced me to buy Alchemist

“I started with alchemist followed by
Veronica decided to die
Memoirs of geisha
11 minutes
Zahir
5th mountain
Kite runner
Monk who sold his Ferrari
Broken wings
Lajja
Who will cry when u die
City of joy
Who will cry when u die
By the river piadra, I sat and cried
“

In my heart I simply thank that book seller for suggesting me alchemist (which I not liked much) but that book forced me to explore world of good books

Samara Revisited

Samara Revisited

Long long time ago
Not that long though

I was adamant on something
Hmm it was a movie

I revisited that movie
Again and again in my mind
Both – before and after release.

I felt a LIFE and a TRUTH in the movie
Life – about a common man
Truth – about the god, faith

We visit temples
But we never visit hearts
Hearts – of people around you

We ask for blessings
We never ask for forgiveness

We love people
But we never love ourselves

We run miles
But we never stop to admire the beauty

We involve people in our lives
But we never learn to live without them

We commit mistakes
But we never dare to admit them

We worship god
But we never devote ourselves to him