Thursday, March 25, 2010

Small notes -

I wanted freedom from the chains which had now starting piercing deep into the flesh leaving not even my bones untouched, I cried in pain, I screamed, it was unbearable – still i was inaudible. Helplessly I got up to walk few steps, before I crumbled and fall back for one last time and this time I was free – free from all the pains in this world till I will born again to be bound again by chains.

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Sometimes I find it very difficult to fight the fears within me, I feel clueless and it becomes almost difficult to think anything else. Feeling of being insignificant makes me feel away from the normal me.
I sometimes question myself that how difficult is it to motivate yourself to achieve something you love to do. I fear dying with a feeling that my life was a waste on earth.
I don’t know how to feel motivated and curb that negativity which resides within me to be a free soul

will somebody help me please
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In future I know I will repent about some said and unsaid words , but the worst thing is that I don’t know about all this today.
Today i am driven by emotions in current phase, which makes me do what i am doing and makes me say things which i am saying.

may be wisdom will come with mistakes and time
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Complexity of life, people around disturbs me so much that sometimes I wonder why god created this, what was his purpose of the creation of such complex thoughts and situations. When I see at people around I feel life is so miserable, so much of loneliness.
Attachments detachments, Reading about all this is one thing but accepting it is something else. Sometimes I feel sad about so many things in life , they look very minor but just bring jest of life .

We all feel like running away from sadness tension but it engulfs us and then destroys us

God please save you , bless us , love us -

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I am one soul. I just can’t concentrate on anything at all, I feel so lost irritated and sad most of the time, I just want to live away from all nonsense and concentrate on myself.
I feel least interested in anything I do. Be it work or personnel life , nothing excites me – somewhere I feel it is sigh of depression , but it is quit funny when I really don’t have much reason to be depressed, and yes no one will ever realize it, I just feel like getting away from all this . I feel like leaving everything and going back to my family and spend peaceful time with them all – may be till eternity.

I am really missing so many important things in life that some years later I will have nothing left with me. It is really a wired world, and yes being a human is the worst punishment god can ever give us, I feel so lonely most of the time. I talk chat and chill but inside a feel a big hallow, darkness and more darkness, I feel scared when I close my eyes as I feel that this chaos is going to gulp me completely. Sometimes life blesses you with reasons to smile and sometimes you just can’t find a single reason to live. I don’t know what I want in life, I just don’t know. I just live a lifeless life.

Out of all this chaos what I love most is talking to my mom – I just feel that she just binds me to this whole world when we are just no one.


1 comment:

Bayaan-e-Sahil said...

Scary..... I felt as if I rubbed all my negativity on you after reading this :(

but on the other side...

Sometimes life blesses you with reasons to smile and sometimes you just can’t find a single reason to live. I don’t know what I want in life, I just don’t know. I just live a lifeless life.

well all i can say from my experience is we have days and nights..springs and autumn....cloudy days and sunshine...
we have good and bad...
the yin and the yang...

so will life have the positives and negatives...

dont worry about not finding a reason to live..some of the most successful people in life didnt know it till they were 40.....and as it is LIFE IS SO BEAUTIFUL...do we really need a reason to live it ;)
the fact that we are breathing is good enough a reason...just in case you do need one though :)

All i can say is GIVE....
Keep Giving without expecting anything back...and Life will be worthwhile...its immensely satisfying..(at least for me)..

to give a beggar a 100 rs note and see his eyes sparkle..

to give a fresher from MP in my office my tiffin (moms home cooked food) and go to a restaurant and on return see the most satisfying smile on his face...

to give 15 hrs of my life to someone knowing that those will be the best hours in the persons life..

to give a stranger a smile when he seems to be tensed with his biggest problem in life and is forced to smile back at you and forget his worries even if its momentarily...

GIVE SHALLY.... to the universe what you can...
and it will give you back ......n number of reasons....
TO LIVE....

GOD BLESS YOU ALWAYS...

SAAHIL

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We are only here briefly, and in this moment I want to allow myself joy