Small notes -

I wanted freedom from the chains which had now starting piercing deep into the flesh leaving not even my bones untouched, I cried in pain, I screamed, it was unbearable – still i was inaudible. Helplessly I got up to walk few steps, before I crumbled and fall back for one last time and this time I was free – free from all the pains in this world till I will born again to be bound again by chains.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sometimes I find it very difficult to fight the fears within me, I feel clueless and it becomes almost difficult to think anything else. Feeling of being insignificant makes me feel away from the normal me.
I sometimes question myself that how difficult is it to motivate yourself to achieve something you love to do. I fear dying with a feeling that my life was a waste on earth.
I don’t know how to feel motivated and curb that negativity which resides within me to be a free soul

will somebody help me please
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In future I know I will repent about some said and unsaid words , but the worst thing is that I don’t know about all this today.
Today i am driven by emotions in current phase, which makes me do what i am doing and makes me say things which i am saying.

may be wisdom will come with mistakes and time
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Complexity of life, people around disturbs me so much that sometimes I wonder why god created this, what was his purpose of the creation of such complex thoughts and situations. When I see at people around I feel life is so miserable, so much of loneliness.
Attachments detachments, Reading about all this is one thing but accepting it is something else. Sometimes I feel sad about so many things in life , they look very minor but just bring jest of life .

We all feel like running away from sadness tension but it engulfs us and then destroys us

God please save you , bless us , love us -

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am one soul. I just can’t concentrate on anything at all, I feel so lost irritated and sad most of the time, I just want to live away from all nonsense and concentrate on myself.
I feel least interested in anything I do. Be it work or personnel life , nothing excites me – somewhere I feel it is sigh of depression , but it is quit funny when I really don’t have much reason to be depressed, and yes no one will ever realize it, I just feel like getting away from all this . I feel like leaving everything and going back to my family and spend peaceful time with them all – may be till eternity.

I am really missing so many important things in life that some years later I will have nothing left with me. It is really a wired world, and yes being a human is the worst punishment god can ever give us, I feel so lonely most of the time. I talk chat and chill but inside a feel a big hallow, darkness and more darkness, I feel scared when I close my eyes as I feel that this chaos is going to gulp me completely. Sometimes life blesses you with reasons to smile and sometimes you just can’t find a single reason to live. I don’t know what I want in life, I just don’t know. I just live a lifeless life.

Out of all this chaos what I love most is talking to my mom – I just feel that she just binds me to this whole world when we are just no one.

we just miss out the real flavor of life

I have observed something funny these days.

I am crazy about this particular song and love listening to it endlessly on my mobile, this song has 2 paragraphs and the funny thing is that while 2nd paragraph starts (which is my most fav 1) I start feeling uneasy as I start bothering more about the end of song as I need to replay it before next song starts playing. In that way I never enjoy it completely and am more bothered about the replay activity.

I found it really stupid as - I was not actually enjoying the song and was feeling totally uneasy - sort of uncomfortable, I don't know if something like this happens to you , but I feel this very frequently . May be I am generally overexcited about this.

I can share 1 classic example

When I am having starter \ soup , more than enjoying it what I am bothered is the food item I am gonna order for main course , and while having main course I just think about the desert me gonna order. Do you know in the process I enjoy nothing - except the confusion? :)

The idea of just sitting back casually and enjoying life is missing - We are always in hurry - But I fail to understand why –Have we programmed ourselves like this ??

I guess in real life too we just miss out the real flavor of life and like worrying about what is gonna happen next - and i hate this :(

Un-complicate Life

Well this is really easier said than done , I don't have any mantra to share that can uncomplicated things in your life but yes atleast if you paste this message on your desk and near you bed then definitely you will start doing something about it.



Last few weeks I was endlessly upset about things, not very major though - but just too cribbing, complaining and least interested in anything I do. I know we all feel same at some point of life, Sometimes we have big problems to worry about and most of the times we just pay more importance to irrelevant things which lead to unhappiness.



This is what I am gonna do about it, Just feel like announcing it online so that I kind of make a open commitment J



1. Don't bother about -ve things \ people in personnel and professional life, just ignore them. They are not worth that you should waste time and effort thinking about them. Work by you strengths and forget about weaknesses.



2. List down things which bother you , everything even the silliest like " will I get to leave early today from office" , after that sort them as worries which are in your control and which are not , this will get clutter out of your mind at least you will know about the thoughts which go in your mind.



3. For worries which are in your control just list all possible solutions for them and paste then infort of you everywhere , like my worry is " if I can get morning bus to office " and solution is that " I need to get up early for that ". Just write it down somewhere and revisit that page again and again , revisit and start applying the solution.



4. For worries which are not in your control - just try to get rid of them from your mind. I know it is really difficult but any little effort is worth the effect.



5. Understand people around and just ensure that you behave with them just the way they expect - well it doesn't mean changing your basic personality, It simply means to avoid tiffle with people for eg, I don't mind teasing people , some people take it in healthy sense and some really get annoyed so I ensure I don't behave with people who don't like it at all.



6. Love people and be assured that they love you, don't start doubting it again and again - this way you are just giving yourself pain, different people have different ways of expressing themselves and if people don't react the way we want then we get upset, some people are very expressive and some are very subtle, it is difficult to change the basic nature of a person so the best way is to accept the way he \ she is with his weaknesses. Pinpointing weaknesses just make things worse , Remember even we are not perfect



7. Have happy friends , and just be happy friends to others , sometimes we don't need a problem solver but a cheerer , Chit chat , bitch , laugh , crib , tease and gossip with your happy friends just laugh out loud with them .



8. Stay away from people who are always cribbing, they are killing leave them alone - unless you want to be like one.



9. Enjoy being in love with you , list down things which you like and can be done alone , may be a walk , painting , reading , shopping , gyming do any of these when you dont have any company . It is good to spend time with yourself.



10. Be selfish sometimes, indulge in luxury, and lie royally sometimes. There is no harm when you are not harming anyone in the process.



11. Wear a smile and just compliment people, share good things and they will come back to you.



12. Spend time with your loved ones and cherish that time , remember the times when you were dying to do so and had nobody to talk to, don't waste good times in stupid egos.



13. Flush out - don't carry the extra baggage. Meet people and just chill out without bothering them about your problems - they too may have many.



14. Be yourself - be honest to yourself, you are special. be in love with yourself , the way you drees , the way you style your hair , the way you walk - You are he best creation of god

Just Random thoughts about me

1. Meeting and just chilling with my family and loved ones, that is the bestest thing , just calling my parents and loved ones makes me feel go good and so wanted in this world , they are the best things to happen in life. And love me unconditionally. Wish them loads and tons of happiness and good health.

• 2. A good day at work , well it need not be a very difficult project with complex stuff , but yes a well utilized day really makes me feel good. accomplishment are satisfying and appreciations are definitely icing on cake :)
  
  3. I love traveling , don’t know about the world but am surely gonna explore India for sure, The best part of trip is planning and googling about info , I read about peoples experiences through their blogs & pics and it is just so motivating that I sometimes feel like bag packing and just getting lost in woods for ever.
  
  4. Writing really gives me creative satisfaction, I know I am not the best writer - but whatever I write makes me feel proud and good – directly from heart to paper, it gives me immense satisfaction to just vomit all the frustrations and thoughts on my blogs , mostly people don’t agree with what I say , but some real sweet people (especially Supreet – my spiritual guru and E-mail buddy , not met yet ) writes such motivating and enlightening comments that I feel charged up.
  
  5. Gulzar is my fav , I love what he writes and really want to be like him someday , his words aren’t simple but ya they are sugar coated , that guy only can make “Kaminey” " word sound like “Gurr ke dali “. Mirza galib is another superb thing , his writings are in urdu - which I hardly understand but still they are beautiful. some of his lies
• Hamko maloom hai jannat ki haqeeuat lekin , dil ko khush rakhne ka khayal accha hai
• Hame kya bura tha marna , agar eeek bar hota
• na tha kuchch to KHuda tha, kuchch na hota to KHuda hota
  

6. I love reading and Paul Chealo is my fav writer, if you have read his books especially “ Zahir” you can feel what a superb spiritual guy he is. I feel so closer to god and myself when I read his books. I have read “Witch of portbeilio” twice and am planning to read it again. I wanna meet him some day .

7. I love meeting friends, specially the old ones, I don’t have any new friends thanks to my so called snobbish behavior. Well with time I have become a strong believer of one stupid theory “ It is good to have friends , but at very superficial level “ except one or two may be – Sunaina if you are reading this then i want to tell you that I love you and thanks for all the love and beautiful letters , you are a real darling , For rest all I just love to interact , chill , share , have good quality time , but then try to be disconnected, somewhere I have started feeling that I lack quality of being a good friend , I can give love immensely to people I love - but am stupid enuff to expect same in return and it doesn’t work most of the time – people get busy , moody , choosy and then they just get lost without bothering much - well same holds true for me also sometimes .

8. I love being with myself, I feel we are always alone in our worst phase of life - that is the time when we need people most , so if you can manage that time alone then why not whole life - I know it sounds depressing but trust me it is always good to communicate to yourself, who knows you better . It is very important to spend time with yourself and it really helps you a lot.

9. This is me

• I love not to take bath / brush my teeth on Sundays
• Read paper from last page to first.
• Can waste whole day reading blogs and whole night reading books or just listening to songs
• I can talk endlessly on any stupid topic till you get real bored and ask me to shut up.
• Their are days when I just retire to myself and hate people around
• I just feel so confused and restless when I visit temple. I feel more unstable and really weak . Feel like running away and can’t concentrate on anything at all.
• Sometimes I am very moody , and feel like crying endlessly without any reason
• I feel internaly so happy for so many days that i find it irritating when people say they are not happy with things.
• I am not much tolerant to people whom I don’t like. I prefer to ignore.
• I find it difficult to express myself, and retire to silent retaliation mode when I don’t like something.
• I just try to find stupid reasons to calm down - when people are not so good to me
• I love buying clothes , and yes discarding them ( a typical girlie thing)
• You can consult me for advices, I am good at this – but yes fail to follow same. easy is to preach.
• I bitch and crib a lot though I know this is so so so bad.
• I worry a lot, you will never realize it with my stupid jokes but inside I am such a tension freak.
• I love reading history – “ Multiple invasions on India “ , “ Hinduism “ , “ Gennis khan “ , ” Jews “ are my fav topics .
• I love exploring new eating joints and yes “ Kashmiri Wazwan “ is my fav food. There can nothing be as good as “ Roganjosh “ and “ Chok Charvan” . yummmmmm
• I feel very guilty if i indulge in some luxary , i just feel sad about it later thinking about so many people who just cant do it - i really hate being made like this
• I have 0% determination and fail everyday :(